


two thousand and nine

by vvelna



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, dan has self-esteem issues, for all i know he watched it hanging upside down like a bat from his kitchen ceiling, i mean mostly bc i don't know the exact location and time when dan first watched this video, mildy ansty, timestamp: january 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 22:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16049783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvelna/pseuds/vvelna
Summary: Dan watches Phil's first upload of 2009.





	two thousand and nine

**Author's Note:**

> so [ phandomficfests ](https://phandomficfests.tumblr.com) on tumblr is hosting a super cool bingo fest, and this little fic was written for one of the prompts on my card, which, shockingly, was "2009".

Dan’s sitting on his bed with his laptop in front of him, its cool glow the only lightsource in the dark room.

Two minutes and fifty-five seconds. It’s not much, but it’s slightly longer than Phil’s last video, which was uploaded just over a week ago, when it was still 2008. Not that Dan keeps track. He’s not  _that_  obsessed. Except he is, and his heart flips when he sees the thumbnail—Phil in his bedroom with the ugly blue and green wallpaper, pursing his lips and holding up something long and white.

Dan wonders if he’ll ever stop experiencing this electric feeling when Phil uploads. It’s just gotten stronger over the years. With every video Phil becomes more and more  _real_  to him. Maybe it’s because Dan is growing up—he’ll be eighteen in June—and realizing that the creators he admires on the internet are just people, like him. They’re just human beings with video cameras, filming themselves in their bedrooms.

Dan clicks play and Phil jumps into motion. Phil looks good in blue. He looks good in everything.

“Hey, so Happy New Year, everyone!”

Dan pretends that Phil’s “everyone” explicitly includes him.

He starts talking about 2009—how it sounds, something about robots. Dan will have to re-watch later so he can properly pay attention to more than just Phil’s facial expressions and the sound of his voice. He’ll end up re-watching the video plenty of times while waiting for the next upload.

There’s a quick jump cut to Phil “beeping” in a little robot voice, and Dan can’t control his facial muscles. He’s smiling like a fool, but then Phil starts talking about a New Year’s Eve party he went to, and something sour stirs in him.

Dan’s not jealous. How can he be jealous of Phil hanging out with other people when they’ve never met? It’s not like he could’ve been hanging out with Dan instead.

Phil starts talking about a girl he sat next to on the train and Dan clenches his jaw and bites down hard on the inside of his lip.

“…and now we’re getting married next year! Not really, but…”

Dan pauses the video. He knows it’s a joke. But his heart dropped into his stomach at the idea of Phil getting married to anyone. He needs Phil to stay single. Even if he himself isn’t. He’s a terrible person. He unpauses the video.

Phil talks about the party, images of other YouTubers popping up on screen. Dan envies them intensely, and not just for getting to hang out with Phil. He wants to be one of them. He wants that sense of community and shared passion. He wants to be anywhere but his tiny bedroom in Wokingham, alone in the dark pining after someone he doesn’t deserve.

“I hope everyone liked me, because I was kind of new to the whole ‘meeting everyone’ deal…”

He pauses the video again. How could anyone not like Phil? He was everything Dan wasn’t—funny, charming, attractive, talented, wonderfully weird and creative. Sometimes Dan hates himself so much he wishes he’d get amnesia. Maybe if he forgot everything about himself he could just start over and be someone new and better. He doesn’t want to think about himself anymore. He lets the video play.

Phil talks about being tired post-New Year’s and having a cold. He’s holding the white thing from the thumbnail, stretching and tearing it. It’s some kind of putty.

“So what does the new year hold for Phil?’ I hear you screaming.”

Phil says his first resolution is to clone himself, and Dan snorts. He starts drafting a comment in his head about the appeal of two Phils. He knows he won’t actually write it.

Phil’s second resolution is to get fit. Dan smiles at the mental image of Phil attempting vigorous exercise. Then Phil leans in close and smiles and says he’s going to become “irresistible,” and Dan’s heart races. Phil is already irresistible. Dan wants to reach through the screen. He wishes his mum wasn’t home, and that he couldn’t hear his little brother and his friends carrying on downstairs.

Dan’s slightly distracted for the rest of the video, his attention pulled in too many directions. Phil’s got a lobster on his shoulder suddenly, he’s talking about other YouTubers again. He makes an odd expression and a little noise and the video ends abruptly.

Dan rates the video five stars and closes his laptop without commenting. Surrounded by darkness, he flops onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, the after image of the bright screen floating above him.

It’s 2009. It’s a new year. Dan’s never been one for resolutions—they’re too much pressure and he always ends up feeling like a failure. But he wants to change. He _needs_ to change. He wants to get away from home, do something worthwhile, make new friends, be happy.

Dan sits up, opens his laptop, and squints at the sudden burst of light. He starts the video over from the beginning. He lets himself get carried away by his hopes and dreams, imagines the impossible becoming reality. He packs his pessimism and doubt up in a little box and shoves it to the back of his mind.

He’s going to make things happen.

_What does the new year hold for Dan?_

He’s not going to sit around waiting to find out. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> [ tumblr post ](https://velvetnautilus.tumblr.com/private/178293586440/tumblr_pfdlddwf0z1wm9q5f)


End file.
